


All Lights Matter

by monozero



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, It's written platonic but you can take it however you want, good thing they have cool cybertronian friends who want to see them happy!, mentions of self harm, no gendered terms are used, reader's just kinda in a bad funk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 00:27:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13822641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monozero/pseuds/monozero
Summary: Friends are there to pick you up when you stumble.





	All Lights Matter

**Author's Note:**

> My Ratchet bias is showing I guess.

“Crap.” You fumble with your first-aid kit, hoping that maybe a bandaid will magically fall out. Of course, it doesn’t. You sigh and look to the droplets of blood welling on your wrist next to healing lines of days past. 

“I can’t go to Ratchet or First Aid or Ambulon with this, they’d freak.” But the medibay’s the only place you’ll find what you need. Just because you took your razor to your wrists doesn’t mean you want it to get infected or anything, it was just… to be honest, you don’t really understand what it was. If anything that would probably panic the others more, and in trying to help everything would just become suffocating.

You don’t want that. 

Then it hits you: It’s movie night. No one would blame you for ducking out to run to the bathroom- human’s gotta do what a human’s gotta do, after all. With the only facilities being those in your quarters, no one would question how long it would take for you to grab some bandaids. It’s not perfect, and you aren’t keen on lying to the bots, but it’s just because you don’t want to worry them. And the bandaids are for you- it’s not like you’re taking supplies that Ratchet is counting on for the others.

—

The plan begins not even ten minutes into the movie. You get up from your seat on the bar, and the nearest mech, who happens to be Cyclonus, helps you down to the floor. He gives you a silent, questioning glance.

“Just gotta run to the bathroom. Don’t wait on my account.” He holds your gaze for a moment before relenting, giving you a nod and returning to his place.

You wait til you’ve rounded a corner to really pick up speed, taking note of the small smear of blood dragged forward by your sleeve. It’s too late now, but hopefully Cyclonus didn’t notice it. Scratch that, hopefully you didn’t leave any trace in the bar- poor Swerve would probably have a spark attack. 

Corner after corner you continue through the quiet halls until reaching your destination. The door opens, the still room welcoming you in. Lights flick on the moment you cross the threshold and make your way over to the supplies. Suddenly this seems like a very bad idea, with no way up in sight.

“And what do you think you’re doing?” You jump, turning slowly to find Ratchet in the doorway. Caught red handed, you’re not really sure what you can do except tell him the truth.

“I’m… outta bandaids. But-“

“Cyclonus told me.” He…. would certainly be more likely than most of the bots to pick up on something like that. Ratchet walks over, lifting you to the counter on his way. “I checked your habsuite first. I’m at least glad this is how I found you, given the options.” You look away from him as he rummages about. “Show me.”

“It’s fine, I can do it mys-”

“Show me.” When you look up you find him staring straight at you, hand outstretched. Even if you tried to hide it, he wouldn’t relent until he got his way: That’s just who he is. So you silently comply, rolling your sleeve back to reveal the small marks dotting your wrists. He silently begins to work, never once questioning you.

“Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize to me.” A beat. “Have you talked to Rung?”

“No, I’ve been… afraid’s not the right word… maybe nervous? I’ve been nervous to meet with him for it.”

“I won’t force you to go.”

“But you want me to.”

“Well duh.” You can’t help but chuckle at that. “There we go.”

“Huh?” Looking up, you find him with a relieved smile. Ratchet holds his hand out in a silent invitation, which you accept. 

“Your laugh. It’s been too long since any of us have heard a genuine one.” He cups his hands so you can sit face-to-face, words seeming to escape him for a moment as he opens and closes his mouth. “We’re here for you, alright?” It’s suddenly very difficult to look him in the eye. “Look at me.” You don’t, only because you’re fighting to keep from crying. Ratchet considers this for a moment before sitting in his chair. “Even Rodimus could tell something wasn’t quite right, and he can be dense as a brick.” You let out another choked laugh. “First, though, I have to ask: Do you want help?” His confidence falters as you actually need to consider his offer, sniffling back tears that continue to roll down your cheeks. This wasn’t necessarily a conversation you wanted, but...

“...yes.” He levels his palm with his shoulder, allowing you to clamber up. 

“That’s all I needed to hear. We can worry about the rest later- for now, let’s get back to Swerve’s.”

If the others notice the red tint to your eyes and the bandages on your wrists, they don’t comment. Ratchet brings you back to your usual spot, but before you can even pull out your chair Tailgate is clamoring over Cyclonus to ask if you want to sit with him. There’s no way you can turn that down, and it’s a welcome distraction too. Even after the movie ends you remain perched on Tailgate’s shoulder talking with the others, one less burden weighing you down.

Your little demons persist. But your friends will fight them with you.

**Author's Note:**

> Normally I would never post such a personal fic, but then I got thinking: I wrote this for myself, sure, but someone else might benefit from it too? So for now, this'll be up. I may end up regretting this and taking it down, though. I feel like I should /probably/ say more, but... yeah. Only real proofing is me rereading it.


End file.
